Reading from Bible: Gensis 6-9 -- Noah and the Flood

Illustration from the
Nuremberg Chronicle, 1493On this Sunday in New Zealand, the Rev. Barjesus revisits the story of Noah's Ark.  He doesn't know whether it's worth telling again, but decided to go ahead anyway.  By the way, a new movie version of the story is now being produced, starring Michael Keaten as Noah and Elliot Gould as God.  But the Rev. is pretty sure that his telling of the tale will be more firmly based in scripture.

Noah and the Flood (Genesis 6 – 9)

Long before the Lord became all-knowing and all-wise
He made a few mistakes and some things took him by surprise
About fifteen hundred years after he’d finished with Creation
He looked upon the world he’d made with growing consternation
God did not appreciate the way things had been going
Especially with humanity, which he found quite annoying
He said we were immoral and that we were depraved
He did not like our violence and the way we misbehaved
He figured that our thoughts were wicked and completely evil
And openly regretted that he ever made us people

God was broken hearted, so he came up with a plan
He would make himself feel better by destroying all of Man
He would send a massive flood that covered everything and all
He’d wipe out all the living things that walked or flew or crawled

But then he reconsidered, for it didn’t make much sense
For such a great performance not have an audience
If he killed everybody, then none would tell the tale
The glory would be fleeting, the vengeance would be stale

Now the only righteous person that the Lord said he could find
Was a quiet chap named Noah, who never spoke his mind
You’ll notice in the Bible, Noah never makes a sound
He just listens while the Lord complains and pushes him around
Keeping mum was probably the best thing he could do
For had he said a contrary word, God would have killed him, too

God walked up and said to him: Today’s your lucky day
I’ve got something big to tell you; I’ve got something big to say
I’ve had this genocidal urge to end life on this earth
But I need someone to watch me, to appreciate my worth
So you and your three boys – I’m keeping you alive
And so you won’t feel lonely, I’ll let you keep your wives
And you’ll need to gather pairs of every creature, great and small
And build a boat that’s big enough for you to float them all

And then I’m going to show what it means to be divine
I will demonstrate to you the glory that is mine
I will make the waters rise above the highest mountain peak
And you’ll behold the kind of mass destruction I can wreak

While Noah bobbed around and watched, God took center stage
Unleashed his flood of fury, unleashed his flood of rage
When everything was dead and gone and the earth was finally dry
God commanded Noah: go forth and multiply
The people and the animals, God sent them off to breed
And so the earth filled up again, slowly by degree

Noah learned his lesson well, he knew the Lord’s desire
God liked nothing better than a sacrificial pyre
So Noah made his sacrifices and the Lord was pleased,
He promised he would never again kill everything that breathes

But understand that even now, nothing much had changed
Before the Flood and after, life was pretty much the same
God still thought that people were all evil and deranged,
But perhaps he felt a little doubt, a little bit of shame
He put the rainbow in the sky to help himself remember
Not to kill when he was mad, but to control his temper
Yet his spirit is a weak one, and now he’s up in heaven
Grumbling to himself while he prepares for Armageddon